An update on life without the smokes.
Almost two weeks down, I have broken out on a couple of occasions. But for once instead of giving up and seeing mysef as a failure and going back to my 20 a day habit, I saw it as another opportunity to get back on that wagon.
So up she hops and rides the oxygen trail again. And guess what. Already I can see and feel differences.
For starters my skin tone has changed dramatically, I especially notice it in my hands as the hands are the part of me I see most, on the keyboard. No more orange and purple spots. Nice pink fingers. Healthy looking ones. It's a small little change but one I see so frequently that it's encouraging.
Even stranger, I thought I'd be like the demon bitch from hell, but in fact I find I am calmer than usual. When something goes wrong, instead of reaching out for the smokes in agitation and getting all tetchy, I find I can stop and look at the situation. The need for the cigarette used to over rule all else. And if I wasn't in a situation to have that smoke, I would end up snapping or shouting.
I feel much better about myself. I don't feel like an unwilling slave to something I hated or a failure. Every trigger I pass is a success. It might be temporary and I might fall at the next hurdle but what the hell, it's a success for now, and it's nice to focus on the good instead of the bad.
One bad thing though, all the propaganda about quitting smoking says food will taste better. I am afraid I don't agree. Most of the things I love have now too strong a flavour. I'm sure in time I'll get to like the stronger flavours but for now it's a bit icky. I tried a beer last night and it was not nice. At all. Strong and unpleasant. I haven't tried wine yet, but I'm gonna be majorly pissed off if that's unpleasant too. Even my favourite mint chocolate bars are too strong in taste - not good. And my beloved coffee....lets not even go there.
Oh, yeah. You can't talk about quitting the smokes without talking about the weight thing. I have put on one and a half kilos in the last two weeks. Or about three pounds, in US measurements. I'm fine with this for now as I tended to smoke rather than eat and was underweight anyway but there is a limit to how much of that I will be able to carry. I just hope the increased energy will mean I am willing to work it off as I am definitely eating a hell of a lot more (breakfast for starters, not to mention grazing all day long).
I haven't a clue if I'll succeed long term or not, but for now, I am grateful for each cigarette I don't smoke and for the eighty euro plus that I have saved since taking control. Time will tell, and I'm hoping that by quitting I will be buying more time.
If anyone has their own quitting stories to share I would love to hear them.