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Friday 18 October 2013

Round Table Discussion: Bringing Spanking into the Relationship

Bringing Spanking into the relationship

You'll find the main post here Spanking Romance Reviews Round Table Discussion

Many thanks to Katherine Deane for hosting today's Round Table discussion on bringing spanking into relationship. As it's a topic close to my heart I had to invite myself along and force my opinion on everyone!
As a spankee, I obviously have a much better idea about asking to receive than about asking to give, and believe it or not folks, embarrassing and all as those words, “I would love you so spank me” might sound, I bet they are a lot easier to utter than “I want to spank you.” At least the spankee wants to receive the pain/pleasure so it’s not like saying “I love/like you but I want to hurt you!”


If you’re reading this post and not already in a spanking relationship, it’s quite possible you have thought about being spanked or doing the spanking. You’re not odd/weird/nuts/crazy. Spanking has been part of sex forever.  Whether you desire it for fun, for punishment, to help improve yourself or whatever, just remember you’re not alone. If you were, this website wouldn’t be here and all of us Spanking Fiction writers wouldn’t be writing as there would be no one there to read our books or blogs.
Bum fetishes have to be worth millions each year when you think about it. Look at the millions of varieties of panties for sale. Jeans are cut to show off the best of an ass and people can pay up to hundreds of dollars for jeans to flatter their tooshie. Ladies skirts are often curved around the hips and bum to flatter and emphasise.  So spanking is just an extension of that fetish.  And it’s hot.
I just put “Spanking” into my search engine. Within 0.22 seconds, 61,900,000 results were found. Still feel shy? Why? There really is no need, you’re in great company!

Here’s what you do… my eight step introduction plan...

1. Open a bottle of wine and pour two
2  Hand one over, take a good gulp of the other

3. Then grab a pillow or cushion…

4. Next take a deep breath….

5. Say…”I have a deep desire to be spanked,” Or “I’d really like you to spank me,” or words to that effect.

6. Grab said cushion or pillow, and cover your mortified blushing face with it for a moment or too. Then peek out and see if your partner’s jaw is still hanging open or if there is a look of interest on his/her face.

7. Come out smiling and ready to talk, (even if the aforementioned jaw is still hanging open.)

8. Praise your creator that the earth didn't open up and swallow you and you're still alive.

There is a good chance that you’ll never look back, your fantasies will be realised and you will just have introduced spanking into your relationship!

It doesn’t all happen at once, maybe you might get/give your first spanking there and then or maybe you don’t but that’s cool. It’s out there, it means you can talk about it and you can see if you might have a common ground. And even if you do get your first spanking, it probably won’t be perfect. Maybe the spanker is afraid of causing too much pain or maybe the spankee is afraid to give too much leeway, for fear of being hurt. And one thing is almost guaranteed, the spankee will be absolutely mortified as they bare their bottom for that very first time and try (and probably fail) to gracefully drape themselves across a lap/chair/pillow. That awful humiliation soon lessens and for some even disappears altogether. 

Believe it or not there is a skill to spanking and that skill comes with both partners getting to know each other’s needs. Time perfects it – but even your visions of perfect will change over the years.  Implements enhance it and you may want to experiment with those as you become more comfortable with the whole idea. (In fact shopping will never be the same again, almost every type of store will be selling something that could be used as a spanking implement from garden centres (canes) clothes shops, (belts) homeware stores (wooden spoons), furniture depots (veletian blind rods) and so on and on) You should think about what you want to get out of the spanking and why you want it, what is the particular aspect of it that excites you. Talk and communicate…that’s the main key to getting it right.

Another thing I would recommend is once it’s out there as an idea, is that you research it together. There is so much stuff on the net that you can look at. Advice, pictures, videos, and access to some great ebooks and blog postings on the “how to’s” of spanking.  There is advice on sensual spanking, domestic discipline and disciplinary spanking, BDSM and any other types I can't think of. There are spanking groups, parties, websites, dating sites,  online stores selling implements. Anything and everything is available at your fingertips.


And remember lots of people have lots of strange interests…for some it’s collecting or keeping spiders which way scarier to me than a spanking! Some are obsessive about everything being just in its rightful place while others can’t stand too much orderliness. Some need to buy clothes all the time, some hate new clothes. Some love haircuts, some dread them. Some hate feet, some fantasise about feet. We all have our foibles. It’s this diversity that makes the world an interesting place so by having your little foible you’re contributing to that variety. I’m sorry to be the one to break this to you, but many a spanko is just a very normal person!

There are always great participants in the Spanking Romance Reviews Round Table Discussions so be sure to hop along to all the other bloggers on the linky list (oops nearly typed kinky list, rather apt!) 
And we're all terribly greedy for feedback so please do comment if you feel so inclined. 


  1. Love your style, Tara! You're awesome.

    Can I tell you, my husband and I have never looked on line together at spanking anything! I'd better clear out my browser's history first…or not…but I think we'll try it.

    And for anyone reading this comment, she is right, you'll not look at any shop in the same way again...

    1. Thanks Natasha...
      Shopping is much more fun nowadays isn't it!!

    2. LOL, Natasha! Hubby and I watched a few videos on spanking tube, so he could see how it was "done".
      By far the sexiest thing we have done, without having sex, EVER!
      Well, it did lead to some fun later...
      If you want to have some fun, check out spankingtube! :)

    3. Oh thank god it's not just me Karherine! Totally hot thing to do together.

  2. Tis worth mentioning that if you don't ask, you don't get. One minute's worth of wine-induced bravery, could just equal years of pleasure. If it does lead to shock, horror, well, you can always blame it on the wine and remind yourself that are plenty more fish in the sea... who may swim slightly differently... ;)

    1. Couldn't agree more, Christina, if you don't ask you'll never know!

      Fishes with paddles...now there's a thought!

  3. A little kink makes a person more human somehow, but it takes two (or more) and an intelligent collaboration to get it right. Good post, Tara.

  4. Tara, I love your style!
    That was such a fun, and insightful look into bringing up spanking!
    And you are so right about the differences between who brings it up.
    I wonder how I would have reacted if my husband had brought it up instead of me.

    Ah well, that's for my fantasies, I guess!
    Thanks for sharing!!

  5. I love your 8 step program, Tara! LOL it cracked me up, but at the same time it is seriously helpful, solid advice. Thank you for sharing.

    1. Thanks Sue, of course that's kinda how I did it, except it was seven in the morning,so there was no wine... Just a gulp of air. But I sure as hell hid my face in the pillow!

  6. love the steps :) such fun advice. hehe at the pillow, the drinks etc. How right you are that "perfect' changes over time

  7. Thanks Joelle. It's such a difficult thing to ask for - you're baring your soul as well as your bum, so the wine and pillow are almost mandatory

  8. Fantastic post, Tara! I smiled and nodded along to every word :D So much good advice in there; so much wisdom. Time, communication and understanding are the keys. And yes x100 to not feeling ashamed of being kinky!

    1. Thanks Penelope. The hardest to achieve is the not feeling ashamed, I think. Even though it's silly, it still seems embarrassing!

  9. I love the 8 steps! So helpful. I still hide my face when we talk about some stuff. Hell, the other day we were emailing each other... from the same room. LOL

    And yes, shopping is always full of spanking implements. It makes life more fun :)

    1. LOL Casey, I can't imagine you hiding your face but if emailing works better than words then what a great way to do it. God bless technology ;)